Further reasons I should keep my effin' mouth shut

So last week I'm sitting around with friends and we're talking about speeding tickets and the like. And in my cocky glory I announce "dude, I've been driving like a bat outta hell for 12 years and I have never been nabbed for speeding". If this were a movie, the music would cue up to tell you that I'm a total dumb ass and I'm about to get mine in the worst way possible.

Yes, folks. The universe was not pleased with my bragging ways. TWO speeding tickets in under a week! Hot damn!

Dear Universe,

I am soooooo sorry for taunting you and pushing my luck. But c'mon, a death, a few major illnesses (of friends and family) and now this? For the love of Luke, leave me alone already!

And if you leave me alone I promise to stop bugging my cat, Squee about her flabby tummy.
Honest.

Thanks,
Ren